Just for Fun….
Fellow blogger Kiwi.writer posted an interesting fact, one which has fascinated me for many years. In the English language, there are no true rhymes for the words month, orange, silver, and purple. In a (to me) humourous attempt to “debunk” this assertion, I wrote the following poem.
I was walking in the twilight last month,
When the moon was shining silver,
And I saw him all at wunth
A man had come to pilver
From my precious trees an orange.
And the light around was purple
As I hove a silver porringe
And he gave a sort of “burple”
As he fell to the turf.
He’s buried in the trees there
Where you hear the roaring surf,
And the oranges you may see there
Are ruby red and sweet —
I’ve got myself a “blood-orange”
From the thief’s corrupting meat.
Ah well, I tried. And it was a fun exercise, even if it was a bit silly. But the fact is, as Kiwi stated, that there are no true rhymes in the English language to the words month, silver, purple, and orange. So all y’all poets should remember to avoid placing these words at the end of a rhyming poem. Or you will drive yourselves mad.
The Car That Ran the Light Hit Some People Who Were in the Crosswalk
The Grammar Guru’s teeth grind when she hears someone say “people that.” This rule is simple: A person is always a who, never a that. Despite its simplicity, this is one of the most often violated rules of grammar. I have seen this error in many well-respected publications.
Part of the problem is that authorities are divided, and have been since the time of Chaucer. The general rule (according to Fowler*), is that one should use who when referring to a human being, and that when referring to an inanimate object; either who or that may be used with an “animate but non-human” creature, or for a person representing a large class of like individuals (babies that cry all night).
Wrong: The man that stole the money and threatened to shoot everyone that was in the bank was apprehended by the security guard that chased him down the street.
Right: The man who stole the money and threatened to shoot everyone who was in the bank was apprehended by the security guard who chased him down the street.
Better: After chasing him down the street, the security guard apprehended the man who stole the money and threatened to shoot everyone who was in the bank. (Better because it takes the sentence out of passive construction into active voice, and it removes lengthy clauses)
Exception: There is one instance in which you may use that to refer to a person: when that is used as a “demonstrative adjective” — a word denoting a particular person, place, or thing.
Example: That man is the person who robbed the bank.
Happy Writing!
*”Fowler” is the book Fowler’s Modern English Usage. If you aspire to a writing career, this book should not only be on your reference shelf, but it should also be the most worn book on that shelf. Study this book, learn it thoroughly, and you will not need The Grammar Guru, you will be a grammar guru yourself.
It Seems That the Who/Whom Dilemma Still Affects Some of Us…
Who is the subjective or nominative case of the word; in plain English, who acts as a subject or predicate nominative…most of the time. I don’t know who you are. Who steals my purse steals trash.
Whom is objective case; that is, it must be an object. It will follow a preposition or a verb that requires a direct object. That is the girl to whom I spoke.
In inverted sentence structure or in question form, occasionally who replaces whom. For example, You are whom? is the inverted form of Who are you? Unless you are comfortable and very confident in the use of who and whom, I recommend avoiding inverted structure.
An Example of Correct Usage of Who and Whom: Who is the man with whom you were laughing?
I Warned You It Was a Trick Question…
Ricky got it: the difference between the words stalactite and stalagmite is the spelling.
This was just a little teaser to illustrate the importance of using the correct words to convey your meaning. Most people (myself included, the first time this was asked of me) assume that you want to know the difference between the definitions: that is, the difference between a stalactite and a stalagmite.
But the question was “What is the difference between the words.” When you ask a question or write — whatever you may write — it’s crucial to make sure that you say exactly what you mean. A lot of detective fiction hinges on this point. So does a lot of life.
By the way, a stalactite is a cave formation that hangs down from the roof of the cave, while the stalagmite is a cave formation that grows up from the floor of the cave. I’ve never gotten them confused since a guide at Mammoth Caves in Kentucky told a tour group this little mnemonic: “A stalactite sticks tight to the ceiling; a stalagmite just might reach the ceiling someday.”
A Little Brain-Teaser
What’s the difference between the words stalactite and stalagmite?
This is a trick question.
How the Grammar Guru Embarrassed Herself With the State Capital
Once upon a time, the Grammar Guru was just a cocky teenager without much good sense. She read a newspaper headline that said “Protesters Converge on State Capital” and decided that her local newspaper needed the benefit of her editorial skills. She called to complain that the newspaper should get it right … when referring to the government seat of a state or country, the word should be spelled with an O. Fortunately, the Grammar Guru got a sympathetic editor who took the time to explain that this common misconception is, in fact, incorrect. And now the Grammar Guru passes the wisdom on to you.
The word Capitol is used only to refer to the actual building in which the seat of government rests. The place where the legislature meets is the Capitol Building (or complex). In all other cases, the word is spelled with an A.
We have capital letters, capital punishment, and capital crimes. Nashville is the capital of my state; Washington, DC, is the capital of my country.
Capital is also money; entrepreneurs need capital to get their businesses started. And it can refer to assets, such as capital improvements. It can mean very serious, as in a capital mistake, or it can mean foremost, as in a task of capital importance. It can also mean excellent, as you have heard our British friends say “That’s a capital idea!”
Save yourself some embarrassment and learn this important definition. Then you won’t be red-faced and chagrined as the Grammar Guru was those many years ago.
When Is a Stone Not a Stone?
Why, when it’s 14 pounds, of course, as my British friends and readers know full well. Which means I weigh 13 stone 11 pounds, or 13st 11lb.
So what does this have to do with grammar? Two things.
- If you are an American writing a piece of work with a Brit as a character, you need to know that your British character not likely to say that Miss Jones weighs at least 200 pounds. He’s going to say that she weighs at least 14 stone. Conversely, if you are a Brit writing a piece with an American as a character, you need to know that Americans usually don’t have a clue what “stone” means when used as a measure of weight; to us it means “a rock.”
- It’s important to notice the visual effects of the words and phrases that you use. I was recently reading an article from a British paper. The article contained the words “Miss Jones weighs in at 18st 2 pounds. Being an American, it took me a good two minutes to work out that it wasn’t a misprint, but that it referred to “stones” used as a weight of measure. Were I one of the less widely-read Americans, I might never have figured it out.
Quoting Queries….When to Play Doubles, When Singles
Quite some time ago, a fellow blogger named Kiwi.Writer posed an interesting question in one of her posts; she was perplexed about the use of single and double quotation marks. It seems that Kiwi submitted a paper for review, and her instructor marked out all the double quotes surrounding dialogue and marked them to be changed to singles. When Kiwi inquired about this strange suggestion, the instructor said that it was actually a matter of personal preference.
Well, I hate to disagree with a credentialed instructor, but I have never, but never, in any of my meanderings through grammatical tomes of wisdom, come across any indication that the use of quotes is not set in stone. Now, it would not have surprised me to learn that in Britain (and, therefore, also in Oz and NZ) they do the opposite of what we do in the States, but extensive online searching has not revealed that to be the case.
Now, the set-in-stone rule that all of my grammatical references (and I have two six-foot shelves of the things) give is as follows:
A direct quote or dialogue in a piece of writing is set off with a double quotation mark. If there is a quote inside a quote, then inner quote takes single quotation marks.
Examples:
Bob said, “Hey, Mary, let’s go surfing at the Sahara.”
Mary replied, “Bob, what do you mean, ‘Let’s go surfing at the Sahara’? The Sahara is a desert!”
Bob retorted, “Shows what you know! They just opened a water park off the bay, and it’s called ‘The Sahara.’ ”
I suggest that Kiwi, and anyone else who has a teacher with this kind of idiosyncrasy (see my August 6 post for more on weird editorial prejudices), go to the library, get a few good grammar references* off the shelves, and photocopy the pertinent pages. Then take those pages to your instructor and ask if he will discuss this situation with you, because you are confused that his advice conflicts with recognized grammatical authorities. If he gets nasty, find another teacher. You don’t want to be paying someone to help you if they are going to give you bad advice.
* some good references include Fowler’s Modern English Usage, The Chicago Manual of Style, the AP Style Guide, the Gregg Reference Manual, the Harbrace College Handbook, and the MLA Style Manual. All of these are in use by reputable and successful publishing houses and universities throughout North America, and are frequently updated.
Just for Fun: Critters vs. Varmints
I’ve been really enjoying the posts on a (now defunct) blog called South vs. North, and we’ve gotten into a discussion in the comments there about critters and varmints. I’m re-posting my explanations here, just for fun.
A critter is cute and cuddly and might make a decent pet. They don’t hurt things or tear up your garden. Critters is also useful, like calves and lambs and barn cats (they kill the pesky varmints like rats and mice that try to eat the feed in the barn).
A varmint is a malicious and destructive beast that’d be better off in the stew pot than running free. Deers, coons, polecats, and rabbits is varmints. Although I’d settle for just shooting the polecat rather than putting him in the stew pot.
The distinction between critter and varmint is highly subjective. Your neighbour might think squirrels is cute critters and put out feed corn for them. You’re smart; you know squirrels is varmints, so you take aim and pot them suckers one by one as they go for the neighbour’s convenient bait. But you probably shouldn’t tell your neighbour that roast squirrel tastes like chicken.
And again, deers can be critters or varmints, depending on whether they are looking pretty in the snowy fields, chowing down on your newly sprouted vegetable patch, or making you hit a tree so you don’t run over them on the highway. My friend hit a deer once by accident, and believe me, the tree does less damage.
Don’t Waive That, You Aberrant Flag-Waver!
Today’s “Get it straight!” pointer is for two words that sound just alike, but mean two completely different things. And you look silly when you mix them up. Trust me.
A waiver is a release form stating that you will not hold another entity responsible if something bad happens to you. You sign them before surgery, before mountain climbing, and other risky business.
A waver (noun) is a person or thing that waves.
To waver (verb) is to waffle, to be unable to choose a course, to vacillate.
So, keep it straight. The flag-waver stood and wavered about whether to sign the waiver that would release the company from liability if he were injured while waving his American flag in front of the PLO group demonstrating in front of the UN.